Assalam alaikum,
Hey… What is this Chinka [Asian in Indian subcontinent lingo] doing up here? For God sake, it’s marriage between a Gujju and a Hydro [The groom is from Gujarat and the bride is from Hyderabad].
Well calm down. You will know in a moment.
In the meantime, just treat me as your daisi bhai [Your fellow countryman].
Inna alhamda lillah… [Khutbah Al-Hajjah, the speech opening by the Prophet Muhammad (Peace and Prayers Be Upon Him)]
I’ve been practicing for tonight for quite some time.
Not my speech, but practicing how to eat Indian spicy food!
Because tonight India rules, not just in food, but Naheed [The groom] proved tonight that India is the economics superpower. India is pushing the US economy by giving business to Knott’s berry farm [The event venue]. And India is providing job to China.
And you know who are the happiest for achieving this global status, not Indians, but the Bangladeshis. Yeah the Bangladeshis. Because finally, they get to tell their Paki fellows, “Pai-kka, tough luck.” [You’ve lost to India again].
So, why I’m saying all these non sense… Because Naheed rejected all these racial slurs by exemplifying the Islamic brotherhood in his life. While at USC, he broght all subcontinent under one roof, not only that, but he invited an outsider like me to be part of this ummah.
He showed all of us that it doesn’t matter what our skin color, language, or tolerance for spicy food is…. but what really matters is the Taqwa, the righteousness.
And for that, I ask Allah to reward him tremendously. Ameen.
Ok, let’s get back to marriage.
So, why suddenly Naheed decided to get married? I mean nothing much changed that can trigger this decision. Except that Nokia is moving him to the bay area. I think that triggered him to… finally… to come out. Yes, to come out from the closet and admit to the world how much he loves Hyderabadis.
His first roommate at USC was Hyderabadi. I think his cellmate is Hyderabadi too… Oh, cellmate means cell phone mate. And now he figured out that he cannot live without a Hyderabadi in his life.
Yaar, the paki bro in the back. Are you with me or still debating whether India rules or not?
Listen, you and i may disagree on that. But we all agree tonight that —sister Juwaria [The bride] — rules from now on. As for our brother naheed. From all of us, “Miya [Mr.], the game is over.”
Thank you.
Special thanks to subcontinent consultants: Muhammad Aman, Sajidurahman, and Muhammad Ansar.
And if I offended anyone that’s not my intention. I sincerely apologize. May allah forgive me.
Wassalam Alaikum
About the Speaker: Tuhfa Sino is a Muslim bro, born to a Chinese family, living in an Arab country, surrounded by Desi people. Tuhfa gives Jummah Khutbah in Tinsel Town and studies at a Halaqa in Hollywood. You can listen to his shows TuhfaMoment or Single & Cooking at LivingHalal.com.
